Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
