Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
