Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
