even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
