I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
