i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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