If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
