I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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