why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
