Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
