I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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