There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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