At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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