he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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