Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
