K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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