is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my sisters under your porch take her home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize