it wasn't lemon gatorade
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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