I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
