i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
