Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
