I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
