Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
