She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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