We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
