u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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