so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
