someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You made out with two different species that night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
