id be glad to
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
