wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
