I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
