THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
