If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize