i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
