I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry my hands just texted you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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