tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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