I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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