I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
