Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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