Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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