we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
