Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
