I can tuck mytits in my pants
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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