i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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