i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
