First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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