I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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