I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
