actually, I'm a sock model
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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