my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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