I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
