So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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