My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize