yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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