I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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