Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize