the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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