I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize