i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
