you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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