3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
