Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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