apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
