My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
