There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You're like the curious george of whores
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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