I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize