Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
