i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
