im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize