We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
3 2 1 whiskey
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think my moral compass just broke
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