i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
