did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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