I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
