He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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