You smell like a Billy Joel song
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize