my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
