we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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