dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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