nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
