you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize