I think I just saw someone hide a body.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
