Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
