Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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