I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
