I just pynch a tree in the face
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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