Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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