my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
