I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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