peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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