Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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