I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
