It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize