my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
