1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
