Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
