I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
