Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
