I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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