Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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