Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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