Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
