Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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