I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
