doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
