Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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