Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
