hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
