why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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