i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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