At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
