so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
